minds work

i had this talk with my shrink, that she tries to make me see the truth behind every feeling that i have. because whenever i feel unstable, i always talk to her. and she made me realize one thing, whenever i have problem, my mind seems automatically sets a self defence things, and try to balance it by running into The happiest state condition of mind, and what make it worst is, the only happiest moment that was count by my mind was the time that i spend when i'm with you. so the conclusion was, if i ever want to move on from you, i have to create a memory that is more happy than the one i had with you. so whenever i feel bad, my mind will no need to come back to you all the time. that is how minds work.

Jealous Mother

ga habis pikir dengan sikap mama. kok seperti nya dia jealous sekali melihat aku yang take care my little cat so much. ketika si mio sakit dan aku membawa nya ke dokter hewan, mama tu yang seperti ga setuju dan kecendrungan jealous banget. segala yang aku bikin di protes nya, di ejek nya, dibilang nya cuman kucing kampung aja ngapain pake dibawa ke dokter hewan segala, toh ntar sembuh sendiri. i'm not stupid and can't tell the difference which disease can cure by itself and which one wasn't. The worst part is, she tell her version of story to my father with her own way who loves to make a drama version and makes my dad listen to her and says when he comes back that the cat will be thrown out forever. what kind of parents who does not support way of learning responsibility. if only they know, because i took care of an animal since I'm kid that makes me a responsible person like today. not like both of my brother who doesn't have responsibility, no need for other human/animal, to a dead thing they still treat like garbage.

oh my parents, makin hari aku jadi makin ga betah tinggal di rumah kalian. makin hari makin terlalu banyak permintaan kalian yang harus aku turuti yang bertentangan dengan keinginan hati ku. terlalu banyak yang harus aku kompromi kan dengan kalian. klo aku mutusin untuk keluar dari rumah, aku yakin kalian akan sangat keberatan karena tanpaku dan tanpa papa di rumah fungsi rumah itu ga berjalan dengan baik. tapi ga bisa gini terus. jiwa ku jadi ga sehat klo harus terus jadi orang lain seperti ini.

seandainya....

aku ingin sekali bilang ke seluruh dunia ato sekedar menuliskan nya disini, menuliskan namamu, mengungkapkan apa yang kurasakan, segala pedih dan sakit karenamu... Aku tau, aku memang orang bodoh. Yang tak pernah bisa untuk maju, ato untuk sekedar berpindah dari posisi yang sama setelah selama ini. Tapi apa dayaku, kamu begitu berarti dalam hidupku. Kehadiranmu telah memporakporandakan tatanan ku tentang kebenaran, kewarasan, kenormalan, kebaikan. semuanya menjadi berbeda karena mu.

saat ini aku hanya bisa melihat dirimu dari kejauhan. aku bahkan tak lagi berani hanya untuk sekedar memandangmu. sekarang lagi hujan, dan hujan tidak pernah gagal membawa pikiranku kembali padamu. sama seperti bulan purnama dan langit penuh kumpulan awan seperti gulali. ingin sekali saat ini aku memeluk mu erat dan tertidur didalamnya....

aku merindukan mu ......

PASTI!!!

Kan sudah berjuta kali kubilang, Jangan pernah bohong sama aku. Aku Pasti tau. PASTI!

....

my heads still spinning around whenever i see you around. even when i see you around is only in my dream. i was hoping that you could be out of my mind forever, but it seems some part of me still hang on to those sweet memories.

anyway, i got my contract extend until november 09. Not that i'm not happy bout it, but i'm about to reach the limit working on all of this stuff.

ahhh, why the thought of you never leave me alone...